Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Karate! (Holy Zombie Jesus!)

Back from St. Louis, I had my first Karate Class today. It was an hour long. In that time, I managed to locate and strain a number of muscles I didn't even know I had. It was incrediblely intense.
Since it is an integrated class of several different levels, we did a variety of activities. I'm the lowbie, but everyone was very nice and helpful. Roundhouse kicks hurt lots... and the term "kick" would be inappropriate... it was more like a "gentle nudge, if contact was even made". At this point, the zombies have little to fear.
On a side note, the amount of focus required for Karate will come in extremely useful when dealing with the zombie menace. It teaches "calmness in the face of aggression" which pretty much covers my bases.
Anyway, I'm going again tomorrow, so hopefully, some of what I learned today will stick.

p.s. I also ate really shitty today, but did my regular cardio workout (sans jog) after Karate.

Friday, May 26, 2006

St Louis

I am currently in St. Louis. As I discussed earlier this week, varying terrain is an excellent way to prepare tactically for the zombie invasion. This trip has given me the chance to apply different strategies, and attack situations. On a side note, the Arch is a terrible defensive location. Very exposed and an extreme fire hazard.

Regarding the mosquito question: Mosquitos only feed on living tissue, so they most likely would not dine on the shambling undead. Regardless, every living creature instinctually avoids the zombie menace, including mosquitos. Even if they did ingest the Solanum virus, it would kill them before they could transfer it. So, in conclusion, luckily, the mosquitos remain a mere nuisance, rather than a deadly threat.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

official post for today!

These are my official purchases for zombie training today:

Coppertone SPF 50 sunblock- this is the highest SPF I can find, but I'm always on the look out for something higher. Not bursting into flames is a good thing.
Bug Spray- because evading zombies is annoying enough without mosquitos biting you.
Jump Rope-Because quarters may be cramped when on the move, but that's no excuse to get out of shape, plus it can also function as a tie-down.

Today, I jogged around the neighborhood for about an hour. I took both of my dogs with, because they also need to get into shape. I don't intend to leave them to the zombie menace. And they also double as resistence training.

Post for 5/23/06

There is a state forest near where I live now (in an undisclosed, obscure location). I decided to run in there yesterday, to make up for my lack of training equipment, but also to add some real terrain to my training.

This was exactly what my training regimen needed. Not only was it extraordinarily difficult, but it exercised groups of muscle I didn't know I had. This has lead to me being very sore today. I ran/jogged/walked for about an hour, on extremely hilly terrain. This was a great physical workout in a real (potentially zombie-ridden) environment, but it was a serious check to my ego.

I used to do this all the time when I was in high school track. However, I can't help but think that when I am being torn limb from limb I'll be going, "I used to be good in track!?!" I don't know why I assumed that this would be easy since I did it 10 years ago.

Regarding the specificity of the forest as a potential refuge from zombies:
While it is still superior to an urban, zombie-infested jungle, it may provide a false sense of security. Though there will most likely be less undead shambling around, since isolated areas tend to have less people to be converted in the first place, there are still some serious hazards to consider. There are still many places for zombies to ambush and potentially trap you. It is much less familiar terrain in many cases, which presents the potential for getting lost. Resources are less abundant. Hunting and killing food takes away valuable time from hunting and killing zombies. Finding places to rest is more difficult due to level of exposure, both to the zombie menace and the elements.

So advice of the day: Vary the terrain on which you train, at least occasionally, to prepare for disparate environments.

Second advice of the Day: Based on Slash's observations about the Day of the Dead, never, ever pass up ammo or weaponry.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Not a Good Monday

Ok, so apparently 250 cholesterol is in the "high risk" range. So besides being utterly shocked, I really, really have to watch what I eat.

The other bad news is my gym is closed this whole week for maintenence. What the hell, are they trying to kill me? I'm going to jog outside this week, which is very problematic because I'm practically albino, and burst into flames when I enter sunlight. So here's to jogging in the dark... which is probably better for zombie training anyway, since it's scarier. I'm sure it will be much easier to envision the zombie horde chasing me down.

I watched Resident Evil: Apocalypse yesterday. It is nowhere near as good as the first one. Despite the inconsistencies which we've already discussed (zombism source, and fast moving dogs), the first Resident Evil is a fairly good representation of the zombie menace. The contagion is the real enemy, which is very accurate, and even though the contagion is caused by the t-virus, the way that it spreads is consistent with the Zombie Survival Guide. Not to mention that Milla Jovovich kicks ass, and is an inspiration to my cause.

However, I don't think that her dress offers nearly enough protection and also has the potential to get caught on things such as chain link fences and zombies. Alice's outfit in the second movie is much more practical (though still light on the protection side).

In conclusion, I hope my ass doesn't get soft this week from lack of strenuous exercise. I do start karate next week, so that should get it right back into shape, and hopefully give me the practical skills that I desperately need.

Friday, May 19, 2006

House Concerns, Other Concerns

Here is a picture of my box fort (it's in cramped quarters, so not the best pic:

It probably won't withstand a zombie attack, but I can dream.

Slash, you had some great suggestions in your last comment about additional necessary rooms. To those, I would like to add: bomb shelter with adequate supplies (incase the government's reaction involving some sort of bombing, not as a direct defense against the zombie menace), and a complex network of tunnels with secret surface exits. Don't worry, I've already sent an email to my real estate agent requesting these provisions.

Finally, the bad news:
I apparently have high cholesterol. I had a doctor appt. yesterday for this final test recommended by the nurse that did my physical. Here are the results:

Cholesterol Level- 250
LDL - 149
HDL - 83
Trigylcerides - 91

I'm not exactly sure how this fits in the "bad" range, other than it's not bad enough that I have to be hospitalized. However, it does present the problem of heart attacks during the zombie uprising. Needless to say, I don't want that to happen. This means I will have to be even more constrictive with my diet. So I had one last, final, over-fried sugary binge for dinner tonight with the knowledge that, from here on out, I will probably only be eating vegetables.

Also, I had a new zombie nightmare last night. This one was probably a much more realistic representation of the events following the zombie invasion. I was pretty much helpless, no weapons, scared, and everyone I cared about had been turned. This "vision" of the future, has lead me to up my mental training in order to better be prepared.

Advice of the Day: Exploding Hearts are not a good thing. Whether it be as a consequence of high cholesterol or a zombie ripping it out of your chest.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Faux Pas

Correction: Half-Life 2 not Halo 2. I got my "h" games confused, probably as a result of the pain in my head. (The pain is less bad today, though I did cave some and have one diet coke, but still an improvement over six.) Though, as Slash pointed out, Halo 2 is also a good game, though not so much in the shitting-your-pants level of scary. Resident Evil is also a good recommendation, though the cause for zombism is different than Brooks' prescribed cause (Solanum), it is nonetheless a great avenue to explore.
All the complaints about video games being "too violent" or a "waste of time" will be moot when the zombies rise up. Those critics will most likely be converted to the walking dead in the first wave when it becomes quite clear who has played a first person shooter and who hasn't.
Parents of the World: If you want your children to survive, buy them a Playstation and the most violent video games available. Make it into a family activity by playing with your children. This is phase 2 of child preparation (after reading zombie bedtime stories).

I took my car into the shop today to make sure that it was in good working order. Even though I expect to crash it, run into an unsurmountable obstacle, run out of gas, or use it as a battering ram, relatively early in the zombie stuggle, I want to know that it will function well until that point.

No work-out today, as I am in the middle of a move. Yes, I am moving to a more obsolete location, which will (hopefully) provide more time for preparation when the zombie menace strikes. At this point, however, all I have going for me is a pretty nice box fort. This is an on-going move, as I do not have a new place yet... so expect to hear more about it. I hope my new place has a moat. with alligators.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006


In the interest of my general health, I am once again quitting drinking diet soda, of which I usually drink six per day because it is highly addictive. So today is my first soda-free day, and I am in the throws of an enormous headache (caffeine withdrawal- yay). I'm keeping this entry short.

Workout Today:
30 minutes on the elliptical, Cross Country today! I need to alternate my workout more so that I don't settle into too much of a routine...
1 mile run
3/4 mile cooldown

And thanks Slash for the videogame suggestions. I hadn't considered Halo 2, but I certainly will check it out. Anything that will improve my reflexes and scare the poop out of me is absolutely great for my zombie resistance training.
And I hope to look good while kicking ass... I am a girl after all. I want to be a tough-ass, scary, zombie killing maniac with cute hair. Deadly cute hair.

Advice of the Day: Addictions, like caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, etc. may be difficult to fulfill in a necropalytic environment. It is beneficial to quit them prior to the zombie invasion. (No matter the withdrawal, better to go through that in a pre-apocalyptic state)

Monday, May 15, 2006

Short Hair

I love my short hair, however, I think it can be longer than 1" and still be safe from zombies. Not much longer, of course. I will try growing it out to 1.5" and then have several "grab tests" to see if this is a plausible haircut. I'm thinking something like this:

This is the cop from Silent Hill (the movie not the game) I thought her hair was cool and could translate to zombie fighting. I have not yet played the game, however, I am looking into video games as a training method. When I played Doom 3, I noticed that I had heightened senses and quicker reactions, and I was on the lookout for monsters. That's where the strafing around corners (in my humble everyday life) began... and I've never looked back (except to check for monsters).

I had the most kick-ass work out today:
30 minutes "Total Body Interval" increased resistance(3)
1/4 mile walk
2 mile run (holy shit)
1/2 mile cooldown
20 minutes on weights

I wanted to kick someone's ass right then and there just to prove that I could.

Slash made another excellent observation about desirable personality traits. I know I will certainly have to work on that stoic calmness attitude. I think the horror from zombie menace may provide the grounding that I need to maintain that serious attitude.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

5/12/06 A day late...

Ok... Some significant things happened yesterday, and I didn't get a chance to post about them.
1) I finally managed to register for my local Karate class... Finally... It starts towards the end of May. I am looking forward to a whole new line of defense!
2) I went machete shopping at my local hunting supply store. The selection was most dissappointing. They only had one machete, which was labeled, "machete/axe", which doesn't even make sense since it was clearly a machete. The only required feature that it possessed was the D-shaped handle, it did not have the proper finish, length, or construction. Plus it was blister-packaged, so I couldn't even get a feel for how it handled.

On a side note, the visit to the hunting supply store was very amusing since it was obvious I did not belong there. I got a few strange looks. One teenage salesman tried to help me, but was quickly called back by his boss. It may have been because my prey was the shambling undead, not quail or other somesuch, or it may have been because I did not have a mullet, and was not dressed in any sports paraphanelia.

I think I will have better luck at a military surplus store, or possibly some militia based operation.

Exercise (5/12/06)
30 minutes "total body interval"
1/4 mile cooldown
1.5 mile run
1/2 mile cooldown
20 minutes on weights (mostly upper body)

In response to Slash's continued carefully articulated comments (much appreciated, btw):
I have looked into stunt driving courses, because I figure a lot of the same manuevers overlap. However, they are seriously out of my price-range (when such money could be better used for supplies and other more practical training). In addition, I have a general mistrust of vehicles because of their dependence on gasoline, and comparative lack of manueverability. I am looking into taking motorcycle lessons. The decrease in defensive covering is more than made up for in agility, manueverability, gas mileage, and terrain ability. I do not yet own a motorcycle, but I may comandeer one when the zombie menace arises.

Thursday, May 11, 2006


Slash mentioned Katanas in his comment on the last post, and I feel this is something that needs to be addressed. I too mourn the loss of his katana, as it would most certainly prove to be a valuable weapon in his hands, however, the katana is not for everyone.

I personally feel that a katana in my hands would be a bad idea. I have not (yet) had the proper martial arts training to wield such an elegant weapon. Moreover, 3 feet of hair splicing steel would more likely injure me than a zombie (probably in some poorly planned Kill Bill recreation).

The katana is an excellent weapon... for those who can manage its skull slicing glory. It is lightweight, incredibility strong, extremely sharp, and not to mention stylish. The major drawback (other than training) is availability. While in this zombie-free state, it is possible to do the proper amount of research necessary to purchase a practical, effective weapon. The quality of the weapon may prove to be problematic when rushed to purchase a weapon, as most katanas are show-pieces and not intended to be used (as effectively demonstrated in Blood: the Last Vampire).

In conclusion, if you choose to use a katana:
1. Practice, practice, practice
2. Make sure your weapon is actually a weapon and not a decorative piece.
3. Combine steps 1 & 2: You may be able to persuade your local funeral home to allow you to practice on some corpses, in order to test your blade.

Workout today:
30 minutes increased resistance on "total body interval"
1/4 mile walk cool down
1 mile jog
1/2 mile walk cool down

Advice of the Day: It is never too early to start strafing around corners.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Machete Selection

I did some serious research into machetes today, and I have a much better idea of what I want. First, let me re-address the significance of the machete:
A light weight bladed device, whose uses extend beyond dispatching the undead. A strong tempered steel blade (properly maintained) will cut through pretty much any obstacles (within in reason-of course) including zombies, brush, pro-unlife zombie protesters, thicker brush, zombies, and more zombies...
Quoting Elite Tactical Sources, Inc. "It will cut, chop, slash, hack, split, scrape, scoop, hammer, dig, crush, carve, whittle, crack or smash just about anything you can put in front of it."
Sounds good to me.

Ok, So what I desire in a machete:
-18" blade of carbon steel with a anodized rust-proof finish
-D-shaped handle so that the machete may double as a bludgeon
-1 piece metal construction

So far, the only thing I am having trouble with is the one-piece construction. Every machete I have found thus far has some sort of "high quality polypropylene", which doesn't seem shatterproof enough for me. I want to know that when I am bashing in a zombie's head that my machete handle isn't going to crack or break on me. So if anyone has any suggestions about where I can locate a high quality machete with the above requirements, let me know.

Work-out today:
30 minutes elliptical, increased resistance (4), "Total Body Interval"
1/2 mile cooldown walk.

Regarding Slash's query on my last post:
Zombie are inherently slow-moving creatures, as confirmed by both The Zombie Survival Guide and ZombieDefense.org. The limits of muscle elasticity post-mortum, combined with the slowly decaying muscle composition limits the zombie's speed. Recent converts may have the ability to move as fast as they did in life, at least until Rigor Mortis sets in. However, judging from the majority of the American population, this shouldn't be much of an issue.
To answer the question directly: I am more focused on endurance, seeing as how I may have to traverse large distances and obstacles on foot. However, I can sprint should the situation arise, however, it will most likely be to escape from the post-apocalyptic human threat (competition for resources).

Finally, a cruel hoax to those of us who are eagerly anticipating the zombie invasion:
Cambodian Zombie Uprising
At least I figured out it was a hoax before I purchased my plane ticket.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006


I recently got a comment from Samuel J. Redford, RTAS Senior Operative, at ZombieDefense.org. I am adding their daring website to my list of links and I praise their efforts to deter the zombie menace. ZombieDefense.org has enough tactical information to inform the most ignorant of our population. In addition to the standard (as well as unstandard) weapons and tactics analysis, they have a plethora of information regarding the ethics of zombie killing, much more information than Max Brooks on possible causes of zombie-ism, pod-casts and much much more! So check them out for the sake of you and your loved ones.
Do it NOW!

Back to my training...
I am still having zombie dreams, however, I must say that they are quite enjoyable. I always kick-ass, plus I think it's a good means for me to release all of this zombie-killing energy that I have yet to put towards killing zombies. If anything, I think it is a mark of a healthy mind, and my mental prepardness for dispatching with the undead.

Workout today:
30 minutes intense "Total Body Interval"
Ran a mile
Walked half-mile

The gym is an interesting place. Despite the level of physical activity, I can't help but think that most of these people will fall during the first wave of the zombie invasion. Especially that guy that just stands around the weights and poses. We are complacent in our workouts. We should always remember that your fitness is your primary defense, and access to the andreniline necessary to escape should be readily available.

Advice of the Day: Even though it may be satisfying to put extra bullets in a bullet-ridden extra-dead zombie corpse, it is usually a good idea to conserve ammo. Usually.

Response to Slash: I will stand by your side, machete in hand, when the zombie menace strikes. In the meantime, please use your knowledge to educate those you love so that they may thwart the zombie uprising. Remember, Never Give In, Never Give Up!

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Must Run Faster!

Today, I did my 30 minutes hardcore "total body interval" (a whopping 3 miles!), and I decided to time my mile run afterwards. Now, granted, I was somewhat tired from my initial workout, but I seriously expected to be able to run a mile in under 9 minutes. hmph.... It ended up being 9 minutes and 28 seconds. Of course, this is still much faster than a zombie travels, but I still need to be faster!

I used to be able to run a mile in under 8 minutes. I am now striving to meet and beat that time. I'm pretty sure that I should be able to run much faster with the combined fear and andreniline rush that comes from actually running from zombies, but I need to know that I can run fast even without that pressure.

I know my goals, now I just have to meet them. However, there is something to be said for progress, even though I still likely to be killed in a zombie invasion... I might be able to hold out longer. PROGRESS.

Advice of the Day: Refrain from ever coming into contact with zombies. Not only is there the fear of contagion, but they're just really gross too.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Zombie Dream

My Zombie Dream:
I was working with a small group of people in a post-post-apocalyptic state (after the brunt of the zombie menace, humans have survived, but the zombies still roam), when we happened upon a small group of zombies. Everyone I was with was all "Oh no, what do we do?" and I'm like, "Let me handle this, I've had training". Then there was some brain smashing. I was victorious. Then something about a pet hamster... and it all kind runs together.

Today's Training:
40 minutes on "Total Body Interval"
1/2 mile walk

I definitely have to step up the resistance on the elliptical machine. I need to know that I can escape the zombie invasion no matter what the terrain or incline.

Food Today:
Good. I've stopped keeping exact track of what I am eating... at least, for this week. This is a trial run of food tracking.

The Hitchhiker's Guide might be onto something about always having a towel.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Sloth Be Damned

This is a much needed re-evaluation in terms of the events from last Saturday:

The zombie menace could strike at any moment, so preparation is essential.

Though, I am tired... weary of exercise, mentally stressed from overloading on zombie information, I must continue on. It is only a little over a month since I started my training. While I am not the hardcore, cold, detached zombie-killing machine that I wish to be, I am certainly closer to my goal.

My fence hiking triumph last week has proven to me that I have made progress. There have been several other recent events which have demonstrated advancement of physical abilities. Also, my thinking processes have changed. I now evaluate any setting for means of escape and potential weapons. My gas tank is always full, and I'm always carrying water. I have even started dreaming about zombies...

Never Give In, Never Give Up!

Today's Progress:
30 minutes on "Total Body Interval"
1 mile walk with the dogs (resistence training)

Food Intake:
No specifics, but good and healthy