Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Machete Selection

I did some serious research into machetes today, and I have a much better idea of what I want. First, let me re-address the significance of the machete:
A light weight bladed device, whose uses extend beyond dispatching the undead. A strong tempered steel blade (properly maintained) will cut through pretty much any obstacles (within in reason-of course) including zombies, brush, pro-unlife zombie protesters, thicker brush, zombies, and more zombies...
Quoting Elite Tactical Sources, Inc. "It will cut, chop, slash, hack, split, scrape, scoop, hammer, dig, crush, carve, whittle, crack or smash just about anything you can put in front of it."
Sounds good to me.

Ok, So what I desire in a machete:
-18" blade of carbon steel with a anodized rust-proof finish
-D-shaped handle so that the machete may double as a bludgeon
-1 piece metal construction

So far, the only thing I am having trouble with is the one-piece construction. Every machete I have found thus far has some sort of "high quality polypropylene", which doesn't seem shatterproof enough for me. I want to know that when I am bashing in a zombie's head that my machete handle isn't going to crack or break on me. So if anyone has any suggestions about where I can locate a high quality machete with the above requirements, let me know.

Work-out today:
30 minutes elliptical, increased resistance (4), "Total Body Interval"
1/2 mile cooldown walk.

Regarding Slash's query on my last post:
Zombie are inherently slow-moving creatures, as confirmed by both The Zombie Survival Guide and The limits of muscle elasticity post-mortum, combined with the slowly decaying muscle composition limits the zombie's speed. Recent converts may have the ability to move as fast as they did in life, at least until Rigor Mortis sets in. However, judging from the majority of the American population, this shouldn't be much of an issue.
To answer the question directly: I am more focused on endurance, seeing as how I may have to traverse large distances and obstacles on foot. However, I can sprint should the situation arise, however, it will most likely be to escape from the post-apocalyptic human threat (competition for resources).

Finally, a cruel hoax to those of us who are eagerly anticipating the zombie invasion:
Cambodian Zombie Uprising
At least I figured out it was a hoax before I purchased my plane ticket.


Anonymous Slash said...

I agree. I have often thought the biggest threat in a post necropalypse world will be human raiders. A theory that zombiedefense seems to support.

On machetes: A good machete is probably a very effective anti-zombie weapon. But now that you have opened my eyes to the zombie threat, I really regret selling my katana. That thing would have been three feet of steely zombie hacking awesomeness.

The decision to sell it will probably be the thing that dooms me to undead snack status. We'll probably see me selling it in a flashback, so that people can appreciate the irony.

11:31 AM  
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11:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Coldsteel Kukri Machete. While it doesn't have a handle that will double as a bludgeon, it does have one of the most rugged and easily maintained blades around. Realistically if the living dead are close enough for you to need to use a short range bludgeon you are probably toast.

11:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

google zombie tools. these are purpose-made weapons with integrates knuckle covers for zombie bashing.

10:04 AM  
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