Monday, July 31, 2006


It occurs to me that I am sorely lacking in Surveillance equipment; a major protective element especially in a fortified compound. Since a big part of defense against zombies maintains that you are ever aware of their presence, surveillance equipment seems most necessary.
By surveillance, I do not mean cameras, complex electronics, etc. Although these would be a nice addition to a fortified compound, and certainly come with certain compounds (schools, malls, etc), I am referring to more low tech surveillance, such as binoculars, or for the more prepared (and perhaps financially well-off) individual, night-vision goggles (page 101).
Oncoming zombies can be detected most easily through sound, but this should not be the only means of detection. With binoculars, oncoming zombies can be spotted (and dispatched, depending on your sniping skills) long before their moans are heard. The bonus to early disposal, is that the dying/dead zombie is less likely to draw zombies to you.
I believe that I do have a pair of binoculars somewhere; they shall soon be added to my anti-zombie defense kit. As for the night-vision goggles... they will have to wait, until I have more cash, or the apocalypse.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Zombies as Weapons

Today's Post will be devoted to the topic of creating zombies for use as a biological weapon. This is partially inspired by the article in my last post about "zombies" carrying WMDs, and my first thoughts about zombies being WMDs themselves. The other part, of course, being the plotlines of several movies (though Resident Evil immediately comes to mind). So the question is, Should/Would/Could either a government body or evil corporation deploy the zombie virus as an attempt to control the world?

The proper answer is NO. The zombie virus is too unpredictable in the way it spreads, multiples and dominates (as demonstrated by the The Zombie Infection Simulation). Even for the evilest of companies/governments/secret societies should recognize this inherent danger. But this leads us to the second of questions....

Since, by their very description, the evil company/government/secret society is evil, eventually one faction may very well deploy the zombie virus. The motives may be unclear in our current climate, but eventually the zombie menace may be unleashed, thus dooming us all. Which leads us to....

This is really the important question. Can these evil superpowers get their hands on or isolate the zombie virus in order to release the zombie menace on a unsuspecting public? My guess is that eventually they will...

So there you have it. One possible source for the zombie apocalypse.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Anti-Zombie Transportation

I finally got a new (to me) car. It's a 2002 Honda Civic. Reliable goes a long way when it comes to escaping from zombies. It's got a large trunk capacity for storing supplies or an alternate form of transportation such as a bicycle. Great gas mileage, for when the gas stations all shut down because of the necropalypse. Plus, it's a nice non-descript green.
Here is a picture:

Don't worry I didn't pay sticker price. Once I explained the necessity of a vehicle is this pre (but not for much longer) apocalyptic state, the salesman came around to my point of view. He said he was going to go home and start stock-piling canned goods.

Finally, here is a zombie related sign that the apocalypse is, in fact, nigh:
"Zombies" Arrested on WMD Charges

Tuesday, July 25, 2006


My house and neighborhood have been infested with mosquitos. I am covered in mosquito bites. When I first purchased my bug spray as part of my anti-zombie supply kit, I was unsure of whether or not it would be worth its weight. I can now say with some certainty that it is. The profound irritation associated with mosquito bites would be a tremendous distraction from fighting the zombie menace. I would constantly be scratching and slapping instead of snipping and stabbing.

Additionally, I wonder if bug spray has any zombie repellent effects. I imagine it is unlikely, but there is a slight chance that whatever causes the mosquitos to pass you up as a meal may make you less detectable to the zombies. I will have to look into this further.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Reporting for Duty

I finally have internet access in my home (that isn't pirated). So I'm back in action, ready to post.
Something I need to consider is exactly what my first reaction will be when the zombies descend upon the human race. Obviously, I've been trying to imagine what my first actions will be, but I feel it's time to make a list. I've consulted with the Zombie Survival Guide, and while it says much about preparation, there is a definite lack of first response. So here's my guess...

1. Do not Panic (you've spent months preparing for this, you will be ready)
2. Understand the nature of the outbreak as it will affect your reactions (is it local? how many people? where have the bodies been taken?)
3. Even though the general population will be unprepared, and most likely misunderstand the situation, keep any forms of media (tv, radio, internet) on as long as it is safe to do so, or until broadcasting ceases. Even though public conclusions will most likely be incorrect, you can make decisions based on the descriptions (rather than the conclusions).
4. Evaluate the situation, if it is possible remain in your home, which you have prepared for such an event.
5. Secure and moniter the perimeter.
6. Proceed in the manner described in the Zombie Survival Guide as the situation necessitates.

The key to the first response is not to overreact, underreact or panic. You've been equipped with the information to react in an intelligent, calculated, fashion; this is the best response.

Thursday, July 20, 2006


Regarding the tunnels. I was thinking of them more as an alternative escape/food storage facility. But, Slash, you are correct, they can easily turn into death traps. Especially the complex series of tunnels that I was describing. If it's too complex it will inevitabley confuse me causing me to be trapped with or without zombies. So in the interest of my own life, as well as my general laziness I will probably continue with my one short tunnel, whose exit will be thoroughly disguised, and entrance/exit mindfully barricaded. I do like idea of a system of elevated escape routes, but in reality, I am a little scared of heights. So unless I can overcome my fears beforehand, it's best not to tackle psychological issues in the field. Of course, if the tunnel does turn into a zombie entrance, at least it will force them into single-file rank, thus making it easier to dispatch them, eventually causing enough inactive zombie corpses to block the entrance. But that would eventually smell and probably attract more zombies, so it would still be necessary to vacate my carefully constructed fort.

Zombies vs. Ninjas?
I think I'd have to go with ninjas, hands down on this one. The speed, coordination and hands-of-death required to be a ninja make them predisposed to defeating zombies. The only drawback to being a ninja in a zombie invasion is that ninjas are subordinates. They need to have a leader to give orders and coordinate attacks. Thus the leader is a point of weakness. Granted the leader will most likely be protected by his ninjas which should easily fight off a zombie attack. However, if an opposing faction of ninjas rises, this would definitely complicate matters.
But definitely, Ninjas vs. Zombies goes to Ninjas.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006


I am no longer a white belt! I am now a white belt with a yellow stripe. All white belt and no belts shall fear me and my feeble roundhouse kicks!

Regarding my tunnel system. I think I'm going to go the old fashioned way and dig it out with a shovel in the dark of night. Since I want it to be a secret tunnel system, I think any fancy equipment would draw too much attention. After all, after the zombie menace strikes I don't want to worry about having to duke it out with the neighbors in an underground maze. If they were smart they would build their own tunnel system.... or maybe they already have.... hmmm I'll have to inspect the neighbor's lots under the cover of dark to see if I can bogart their supplies and tunnel schematics.

Lyz, I'm glad you responded to my body disposal question. I was begining to feel a little morbid... well, I already felt morbid, but morbid and lonely. So if there's any other readers out there please submit your answers to what you would have done to your remains should you perish during the necropalypse. Don't worry you can post anonymously so you don't have to worry about me seeking you out and stealing your anti-zombie supplies.

Monday, July 17, 2006


After a protracted, unbearably hot weekend, I am proud to say that I have relocated. At the moment we are living off the grid, no internet, no cable, no telephone. I wish I could say that this was some sort of anti-zombie measure, but unfortunately it is more because of a lack of preparation. So I will try to update when I cross paths with an un-password-protected internet connection, but I make no promises.

In the meanwhile, with my spare time usually directed towards the computer, I will begin work on my underground complex series of tunnels and refuges, which, unfortunately, this house did not come with.

And Slash, I admire your robocop-like determination to keep killing even after death.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Post Death Considerations

Since so much of this blog deals with the topic of death, and how it can be dealt out (again and again) I feel it is necessary to reflect on what I want done with my remains in the event of my tragic (and most likely ironic) death.
Since I plan on feeling no real attachment to my meatbag after my demise, I would like to be disposed of in the most effcient manner. It should involve fire though, because fire is pretty. Of course, I hope to go in a very dramatic being eaten-by-tiger sort of way, so maybe there won't be any (undigested) remains.
So I would like all of my fellow persons in zombie defense training to post on what they would have done with their remains should it come to that.
Post away!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Zombie Body Types

Slash and Jerilyn's comments about hookhanded zombies made me wonder if different zombie body types would be more threatening or harder to kill.
I think I would be intimidated by the hook hand, but it probably doesn't present much of an additional threat, seeing as how zombies don't have the brain capacity necessary to operate a weapon. However, its piercing capabilities would be much greater, even with minimal force. Hmmmm, I guess I would have to take out the hook hand zombie first, preferably with a long-range weapon.
But what other body varieties might cause problems? I think a rather large individual would be more problematic. While a big person, who isn't zombified, would most likely become zombie fodder because of lack of manueverability and quickness, these qualities would not inhibit as much if the person was a zombie. After all, quickness and manueverability are not innate zombie traits. Moreover, the health problems that plague obese individuals will no longer be a problem when said individual is undead.
From a zombie hunting perspective, a large zombie might present more of an obstacle than a thinner individual. While the overall diameter of the person might only be a foot less, at the most, those extra inches cost valuable nano-seconds of escape time. Moreover, if one is engaged in a hand to hand combat situation, the extra padding may deflect blows. Of course, the popular method of beheading and then killing the head will be much more difficult because of the amount of force needed to decapitate. Again, a large zombie is probably best circumvented by long-range weaponry.
Perhaps I should prepare some techniques geared at taking out different types of zombies.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Zombies vs. Pirates

An interesting hypothetical question... and a very difficult one to answer.

Part of the answer may depend on which type of pirate we are discussing, contemporary or historical. Contemporary pirates are obviously better equipped to handle a zombie onslaught, as they have access to all sorts of current technology such as: tracking devices, better transportation, and of course guns that can fire accurately beyond a 3 foot range.
But historical pirates were probably better at handling their impending doom. These pirates did not die of old age. Rather they died of drowning, being stabbed in the back or syphilis. So perhaps their attempts at fighting zombies would be more zealous. On the other hand, overzealous, unthoughtful attacks are a good way to get killed.
So between contemporary and historical pirates the contemporary version would be more likely to survive, due to better technology, and slightly better hygiene. Either type of pirate would most likely fare better than your average Joe Schmoe because of experience, and daily context. They are simply more ready individuals (which is why us Joe Schmoes need Zombie Defense Training).

So who would I bet on in Zombies vs. Pirates? The Pirates, of course, because no evil rotting ghoul is getting my hard earned money.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Flaming Zombies

I was discussing zombie tactics with my good friend Lyz this weekend (she occasionally posts here), and she mentioned Flaming Zombies. Apparently, in a random conversation with her father, the topic of Flaming Zombies came up. It was accurately pointed out that setting an "alive" (active would probably be a better choice of words) zombie on fire is actually a really bad idea. So thanks, Lyz, for sparking this discussion.

Zombies are already dead and do not feel pain. While fire is certainly a nuisance to them, it is no where near as detrimental as it would be to a human. Eventually the zombie would most likely be incapacitated. However, not before it spread fire to all of its nearby surroundings. Since most zombies (except the really "old" ones) are at least semi-moist, most likely you will end up burning off their clothes (unless it is a nude zombie), possibly damaging their outer layer of skin, allowing them plenty of time to shamble around before doing any real damage to the zombie body. So unless the zombies are contained in a cement pit, and you are armed with a fire extinguisher, setting a zombie on fire isn't a great idea.

This topic isn't really adequately discussed in the Zombie Survival Guide. While the most important piece of advice, "Fire has no loyalties" (pg. 52) is mentioned, it is quickly obscured by different methods of delivering fire. Which brings me to my final point. Flaming Zombies look cool. So here's an image from Doom 3 to fill that need:

Thursday, July 06, 2006


Excellent advice, Slash. Definitely be sure to avoid any ironic death. If you truly enjoy killing zombies (and who wouldn't?), keep your overwhelming joy to yourself, lest you become a posterchild for ironic death.
For that matter, avoid the regular death too.

Regarding comments, yesterday. Even though a gun may prevent hand-to-hand combat, I'd still feel a lot better knowing I can actually hit someone. At the very least, it would be less embarrassing in class.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Back in the game

I have recovered internet access.
Cleveland was nothing special. I should say that I wasn't in Cleveland proper, but about 20 minutes (give or take) from Cleveland. It was pretty rural where I was, and other than being flatter, not much different from the terrain I am currently roaming.

In other news:
I think I may be testing for my next belt soon, but I'm not sure. I have to admit that I have trouble actually hitting people, and tend to be a real pussy when it comes to sparring. Granted, Sensei doesn't expect me to punch through or actually hurt my sparring partner, but he would like me to go through the proper motions. I hope this isn't a problem when it comes to fighting zombies.
Taking punches isn't much of a problem. I was punched in the face last week (I was supposed to block, but wasn't ready). No visible bruising, but definitely speeds up the learning process.

Oh and "200 hundred" is a typo that expresses how excited I was to shoot that many bullets. Definitely want to go shooting again.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Cleveland, here I come.

I am going to Cleveland over the holiday weekend. I may not be able to post, unless I am able to steal some internet access...
In the meantime, I will be scoping out the zombie resistence factor in Cleveland. I'll give my terrain review in the next post.
Everyone have a great holiday weekend, but don't let your guard down. The zombie uprising can occur at any time.