Like Zombies?!?

One question I often hear is, "Why do you like zombies?" I can only presume this question is based on the assumption that I like them because I talk about them so much. Anyone who spends any amount of time with me knows that I hate zombies. Perhaps a better question would be, "Why do you spend so much of your time on zombies?" with the "instead of other monsters" being left unsaid.

Not to discredit other monsters, except that is exactly what I'm about to do; other monsters are not real. This is not to say that they don't represent interesting cultural and social phenomena (which zombies can also represent). However, the vampire/werewolf/mutant threat is non-existent. Even if they do exist (which they don't) they hardly represent a global threat. Because of the selective process necessary to pass on these particular "monster traits", the possibility of a vampire (or any other fictitious monster) outbreak and consequent destruction of the human race are a statistical impossibility.

The popular retort to this is, "well there obviously aren't any zombies because there haven't been any large scale zombie infestations." Even if the person disregards the evidence towards the end of The Zombie Survival Guide, the reason zombies haven't decimated the earth is because of dedicated individuals like myself. So the correct answer to "Why do you like zombies?" is "I HATE zombies, and you should be grateful!"