Sunday, December 14, 2008

Drunken Hunting

Living by yourself in the wilderness leads to an inevitable boredom. I have to admit that when bored during my my exile, I did engage in some reckless behavior. As a means to justify such recklessness, I classified it as experimentation.

One means of experimentation took the form of trying to discover the impact that alcohol had on my zombie hunting skills. Despite my best intentions and claims to sobriety, I have to admit that I really do like beer. I wanted to learn if whether or not imbibing the occasional brew would actually have a significant effect on my abilities.

Firstly, I had to procure alcohol. One of my survival manuals had a recipe for a mead-like beverage. Incidentally, this recipe was hand-written in the margins, and not part of the original publishing. I would have very much liked to have met the previous owner of this book.

Weeks later, I was able to put my plan into practice. My alcohol wasn't very good (first-time, and consequently, last-time home brewer here) and it was considerably more alcohol than beer by my estimation. I drank a glass and set about hunting. Since I had not spotted any undead, I had to settle for hunting my dinner.

I'll spare you the details, but I feel safe in saying that the results of my experiment indicated that a single beverage doesn't have a significant effect on my personal abilities. However, I still believe it best to abstain from alcohol. I felt fairly confident that zombies would not descend upon me during this single mildly inebriated evening, but that is exactly the overconfidence that gets one killed.

I wasn't in terrible danger of my prey turning on me; I'm pretty sure that I could defend myself against a squirrel even if I was really, really drunk. However, a zombie is not the same as a squirrel. The simple fact that the alcohol reduced my coordination enough that I had to really focus on the hunt indicates that it is a significant hinderence. Luckily for me, no zombies attacked that night, and I awoke the next morning with the mildest of hangovers.

In conclusion, for the sake of your own survival and imminence of the zombie threat, please abstain from drinking. You never know when you will need to be in prime survival state. And if you insist on drinking, please leave brewing to the professionals.

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